Kung Pao Chitlins

Missouri Middle-Schooler Whips The FDA

2008-11-11T12:55:00.004-05:00

The Wikipedia entry for Seneca, Missouri (pop.2,135) has no mention of Taylor Gaines or Bisphenol A, but before this all shakes out it just might. Gaines, a precocious 13 year-old native of the town, just kicked the Food and Drug Administration in the nuts after showing in a Middle School Science fair that BPA, the controversial chemical banned in Canada, Target and Walmart, causes deformities in planarian worms.

She's a star, a bright young scientist and a social activist, even if she doesn't realize it. For her science project, she gets a whole sheet of stickers and extra credit. Somebody get her a scholarship before Dow Chemical buys her off.

Wait a second...

2008-10-23T18:28:00.004-04:00

Did the Daily Show deliberately rip off the Vapors? Cue to 2:45 if you have any doubts.

compare:

Turning Japanese

2008-10-23T18:22:00.002-04:00

Bernanke looking at cutting rates again.

Half a quadrillion dollars

2008-10-15T16:47:00.010-04:00

The number $530 trillion is getting bandied about as an estimate of the size of the derivatives market. We are now in figures normally reserved for astrophysicists.

Today's Washington Post makes the astonishing claim:

The global derivatives market topped $530 trillion as of June 30 this year, including $55 trillion in the suddenly popular credit-default swaps; that $530 trillion represents all contracts outstanding. The total dollars at risk is a much smaller, but still a hefty $2.7 trillion, according to an estimate by the International Swaps and Derivatives Association.

UPDATE: Slate has an article in the explainer (using $596 trillion!). I still don't understand.

Sarah Palin is the GOP's adjustible rate mortgage-backed security

2008-10-10T19:37:00.006-04:00

She's a good earner when times are good, but when they're bad, she's radioactive, and can bring the whole rotten structure down with her.

Time to cut military spending

2008-10-10T04:08:00.015-04:00

OK America, you have a choice: Either cut military spending or cut Medicaid/Medicare and Social security. As far as the chitlins are concerned, the answer is pretty clear. We've done the math for you, right here on the back of a napkin.

I'll use pictures to help you out:

The crown jewel of the American military: the awesomely fast, powerful and stealthy F-22, which just celebrated its 100th edition. At an average cost of $137 million a pop, plus $62 billion in production cost, we arrive at a gag reflex-inducing $76 billion tab. Even without accounting for upkeep, storage, and operation, that figure alone outstrips the defense spending of any other country in the world. Number two on the list, the peace-loving France, spends $74 Billion.

The crown jewel of al Qaeda, the sturdy, useful and ubiquitious Stanley Utility Knife, available at a corner hardware store near you for $15.99, plus $2.99 for a pack of blades.

Who's in charge?

2008-10-04T18:25:00.009-04:00

The world's on fire, and I'm not really sure whom to blame for it. Who is in charge?

Screenshot: Sarah Palin

2008-09-26T10:13:00.004-04:00

This is Governor Palin's face at the very instant she utters the word "Obama," 7:56 into the CBS interview with Katie Couric. This screenshot is unaltered.

Financial capital of the world

2008-09-23T16:09:00.003-04:00

This got me thinking: most older countries (the UK, Japan, France and Spain) have their financial and political capitals located in the same place. But newer countries, such as Italy, Germany, Canada and the US tend to have separate seats for political and financial power.

Does this week's collapse of New York and rise of Washington mark an epochal coming-of-age for the US?

Palin modifies her views on missile defense

2008-09-12T18:37:00.001-04:00

Sarah Palin on global warming

2008-09-12T18:25:00.002-04:00

Palin's Education platform

2008-09-12T18:20:00.001-04:00

Sarah Palin is worried about Russia

2008-09-12T18:13:00.002-04:00

The Hadron particle collider

2008-09-12T15:59:00.004-04:00

A recap:

1. An unstable and pugnacious ally starts shelling one of its own cities, a deliberate provocation against the Kremlin, which, being the Kremlin, responds in force. Dick Cheney is dispatched to the region to assure the ally that we're ready for them to join NATO.

2. The US invades Pakistan, an nuclear-powered ally already teetering on the edge of collapse. Rather than make an effort to confer legitimacy to the new Democratically elected government, we give them what is tantamount to the back of the hand. Civilians are killed in the raid, which, as with almost all such American efforts, comes across as half-assed mucking about. Pak is pissed.

3. Insane vampire Kim Jong Il dies or has a stroke. No one knows who's in charge or what's going on in a half-starved nuclear power with a lot of big guns.

4. The Treasury takes over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and the market flies into an epileptic fit. Lehman Brothers announces everything must go sale, and no one shows.

5. Venezuela and Bolivia yank their ambassadors from the US and announce naval excersizes with Russia in the Caribbean.

6. The current frontrunner to win the presidency, arguably the most physically unfit candidate in the history of the US, allows his Vice Presidential nominee to answer some softball questions from the Disney Channel. This is what if feels like:

America loves it.

Russia loves the Alaska Independence Party

2008-09-03T18:12:00.008-04:00

Russia loves the Alaska Independence Party. The Kremlin has a storied history, after all, of using its neighbors' disgruntled minorities as a lever to expand its own geopolitical influence.

Beyond the hilarity and hijinks that is the Sarah Palin Vice Presidential nomination, her links to this little-known group deserves a bit of digging. What do we know about these guys, beyond their crappy design concept? (Their logo looks like something you'd see stenciled on the side of a van).

Marc Ambinder has made a good start here, but I want to know more about this group.

Quit Blaming Us For Your Shit, Guey!

2008-08-12T18:44:00.002-04:00

Great bit of investigative work by Sean Mattson of the San Antonio Express- News, raising some very serious questions about the veracity of the FDA's claims about the Great Mexican Salmonella scare of 2008. So far, has yet to be picked up by any bigger papers. Stay tuned, cabron.

Dmitri Medvedev is 5'2

2008-08-09T19:38:00.002-04:00

There, I've said it. That makes him slightly shorter than Prince, and slightly taller than Bilbo Baggins. It also makes him dangerous.

Russia's Center Of Gravity

2008-08-09T18:47:00.007-04:00

Of all the news yesterday, I was struck most by the words of Russia's ambassador to the UN, who laid down an ominous marker when he said, "Historically Russia was and will remain the guarantor of the security of the people of the Caucasus.”

By these standards, we could be in for a busy time.

Fascist Memorabilia

2008-08-04T15:36:00.006-04:00

Old Silvio Berslusconi didn't waste much time turning Italy's latent Xenophobia into a all out military operation. Today's AP piece chills the blood of anyone who has read anything about the country's history in the 1930's.

The good news, though: Italian military operations tend to turn out poorly.

Also kind of weird, the deputy chief of the general staff, according to the story, is called General Mario Buscemi. That's right. Mr. Pink has a new job.

Sweet Scent Of Service

2008-03-15T23:38:00.003-04:00

That is the literal translation of the name of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's hard line faction of the Conservative party.

For Real.

Russia, Serbia and Wikipedia Not Sure About Kosovo.

2008-02-18T16:28:00.004-05:00

Ay ay ay!

2007-08-02T08:45:00.001-04:00

Chiquita Banana apparently approached the Justice Department for legal advice on paying protection money to death squads in Colombia. But Chiquita was getting much more than just non-interference from the ruthless AUC. A 2003 OAS report accused Chiquita of being actively involved in smuggling arms for the AUC into Colombia.

The Washington Post notes that the reaction in the White House has been more or less a yawn and a shrug:

For some high-level administration officials, Chiquita's payments were not aiding an obvious terrorism threat such as al-Qaeda; instead, the cash was going to a violent South American group helping a major U.S. company maintain a stabilizing presence in Colombia.

Kungpao Mysteries: SOLVED!

2007-07-31T15:23:00.000-04:00

A month back we were fretting about the sudden disappearance of why.i.hate.dc. It turns out that I just had the wrong url. Duh.

Brownie, You're Doing a Heckuva Job!

2007-07-31T09:20:00.001-04:00

Just because British Prime Minister Gordon Brown has a funny accent doesn't mean he's a Foreign Minister. That's a different job.

Congratulations, Asian Cup Champions

2007-07-30T11:20:00.000-04:00

I don't know much about Asian Soccer-- just a vague sense that the continent's traditional powers, Iran, Japan, Korea and Saudi Arabia, have been sending solid teams to the World Cup since it was held here in 1994. Saudi Striker Al Orawain announced the arrival of Asian soccer with the most memorable goal of that event-- a 70-yard run that sliced through the reeling Belgian defenders. In France in 1998, Iran's defeat of the much-hyped US side struck a geopolitcal chord among soccer jingoists here. And, in the first World Cup held in Asia, twin hosts Japan and Korea impressed, with Korea's defeat of Italy leaving a disfiguring scar from Torino to Palermo (this, I was assured by an Italian friend of mine, was on par with that country's 1896 military humiliation in Abyssinia).

With that in mind, congratulations to Iraq's 1-0 win over Saudi Arabia in yesterday's Asian Cup Final. It is an extraordinary feat on its own, and, in the context of what is happening in Iraq, nothing short of a miracle. Someone please make a movie about it.

In the meantime, watch the goal that won it:

BREAKING NEWS

2007-07-26T08:31:00.000-04:00

Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

CONCENTRATE ALL YOUR FIREPOWER ON THE LARGEST OF THE STAR DESTROYERS!

2007-07-17T11:23:00.000-04:00

§ We'll last a hell of a lot longer against those Star Destroyers than we will against that Death Star! +FOX+

§ That's no moon. That's a space station.

§ Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances. +WaPo+

§ The shaft is ray-shielded, so you'll have to use your proton torpedos!

Greasers vs. Socs at the City Paper

2007-07-13T14:34:00.000-04:00

Angela Valdez has started a class war!

Read the article, then read the comments, then go rent The Outsiders.

12 Inches of Snow

2007-07-12T10:36:00.001-04:00

Yes, it's been almost 15 years since Canadian Dancehall giant Snow left his mark on popular culture, but for some reason I was thinking about him when I read White House Press Secretary Tony Snow's statement this morning:

Today's report provides an interim assessment of developments in Iraq just as the final US forces have arrived and begun operations in support of the Baghdad security plan. The report describes satisfactory progress in a number of key security areas -- including the deployment of Iraqi forces in Baghdad, the establishment of joint security stations in Baghdad, and the increased capability and independence of Iraqi military units. These security measures have helped reduce levels of violence in Baghdad and Anbar province -- and should provide some space for the government of Iraq to make progress on key political benchmarks. It also shows important progress in economic and political matters.

Tony Snow spins the truth like the Canadian Reggae Snow spins the turntable. They're both skilled wordsmiths. Tony lies about Iraq and Canadian Reggae Snow lies about the size of his cock.

With that in mind, read it again, but with a soundtrack.

London Calling

2007-07-09T13:17:00.000-04:00

From London, an old friend signs off an email on a dark note:

Mate – I’m off home. Apocalyptic rain over here. Didn’t stop for about three weeks. About 50,000 homeless in Yorkshire. Climate chaos. And I’m on a mountain bike. Love it. Never going on a tube again. The fear started to melt my brain every time I took it. stops in the sealed tunnels. No PA announcement. Hot death eye blurring internal rising panic. Bike, bus, train or cab for me.

Kungpao Mysteries: Who Whacked why.i.hate.dc?

2007-07-09T12:59:00.001-04:00

Overnight one of this city's lemony-freshest voices has been snuffed from the sphere, and is now nothing more than google cache trash.

What happened? Should the rest of us start looking over our shoulders? DCeiver just turned 3, and wonkette, in spite of the ugly new layout, appears to be going strong.

Is that a clicking on my phone? How long has that same van been parked across the street?

Goooood. I feel your.... angerrrrr

2007-07-09T12:26:00.000-04:00

The UN has now confirmed an Afghan report that NATO and Coalition airstrikes in Afghanistan kill more civilians than the Taliban do. This makes sense in a way because the Taliban, nasty as they are, do not have Raytheon, McDonnel Douglas and the rest of the military incuntrial complex.

The New Yorker's John Lee Anderson gives a very compelling account of the difficult anti-opium efforts deep in Taliban country. He also, I think, explains in an indirect way why we've managed to turn the anti-Taliban efforts from mop-up (which is what it was when I lived in there in 2002-3) to a suddenly very losable war.

The problem, ultimately, is cultural. The last graf of the piece:

Back at camp, everyone was in a bad mood. Hook, the former prison guard, remarked, “We ought to take all those guys and hang them in public, beginning with the governor.” He laughed, and added, “Good thing I’m not an idealist—I’m just here for the money.”

Run Bloomy Run!

2007-07-06T12:38:00.000-04:00

I just ran down a list in my head of my friends here in Washington and I think I can guess, with a fair degree of certainty, that most of them will vote for Bloomberg if he in fact chooses to run (and presuming Hillary gets the Dem nomination).

And why not? The Republicans have been awful, the Democrats pathetic. There is, by most accounts, space in there somewhere for a third party guy.

Run Bloomy run!

Is that even his nickname?

It should be.

Tryst Cafe: 1, Corporate Coffee Franchises: 0

2007-07-06T12:04:00.000-04:00

Well done, consumers of Adams Morgan! The much-reviled Caribou Coffee chain has been driven from the neighborhood. So long, faux Northwest hippy corporate caffeine-peddler! It was a pleasure while it lasted, you mongers of crap coffee! I'll miss your extensive cash register display of Caribou-themed nicknacks-- your fridge magnets, wintergreen gum and uber-commercial world beat CD's. Now I'll have to go all the way to 16th to pay $2.99 for the foul-smelling swill you dole out.

Watch yo ass, Starbucks, you next!

Competitive Eating is Disgusting

2007-07-04T18:01:00.000-04:00

Sorry Deadspin, ESPN, and the rest of youse, but I wish you'd stop trying to make me watch competitive eating. I don't care about Kobayashi, or Chestnut, or any of those assholes. Eating food is not a game.

Consider:

Burn the Reichstag, Invade Poland

2007-06-28T10:53:00.000-04:00

Ω Impeachment motions move from the Committee of the blogosphere to the floor of mainstream editorial opinion. {Slate}

Ω You're going straight to hell, Marc Fischer! {Washington Post}

Ω Alberto Gonzalez is a Pagan High Priest {Harper's}

Ω Jason Bourne, rogue agent {Boston Globe}

Ω Black schools, white schools. {NYT}

Mad Libs: Bush's Commencement Address

2007-06-26T09:17:00.000-04:00

(May 23, 2007)

"The men and women of the {1. ORGANIZATION} know how to navigate the storm. We're counting on you to help America {2. VERB} the {3. PLURAL NOUN} that lie ahead. As you begin your {4. ADJECTIVE} careers, you can approach the future with confidence, because our nation has faced dangerous {5. MARSUPIALS} before, and emerged victorious every time. {6. A JOB} can try to {7. VERB} the {8. NOUN}, but they cannot {REPEAT 7}the desire for {9. A BREAKFAST MEAT} that burns in the {10. AN INTERNAL ORGAN} of millions across the earth. The power of freedom defeated the ideologies of {11. A SUPERMAN FOE} and {12. A BATMAN FOE} in the last century, and freedom will defeat the {13. ADMINISTRATION CLICHE} ideologies of the terrorists in this century."

Outrage-ometer: Do You Smell Something Burning?

2007-06-26T08:34:00.000-04:00

Ω Smells almost like sulphur. [Washington Post]

Ω With a trace of stale urine and burnt hair. [TPM Muckraker]

Ω Also smells kind of rotten. [Guardian UK]

London Calling

2007-06-25T11:44:00.000-04:00

In commemoration of Tony Blair's resignation, Kung Pao Chitlins has reached across the Atlantic with the hopes of picking up some old country flavour.

Burgess, if you're reading this, expectations are huge right now.

Chitlins, if you don't shut up right now, I'm going to pull the car over and you can walk! OK?!

2007-06-22T15:16:00.001-04:00

What the Chitlins in the back seat are screaming:

Ω "I gotta go pee!" [American De Tocqueville]

Ω Chest-thumping, camera-mugging. [DCeiver]

Ω "Mommmm are we there yet?" [Why.I.Hate.dc]

Ω Teasing short people. [G:TB]

Ω 2,632 bottles of beer on the wall [East Coast Bias]

Ω "I'm thirsty!" [DC Gastronome]

Georgia O'Kieffe Couldn't Have Done It Better

2007-06-21T18:56:00.000-04:00

In The New Yorker's Talk of the Town this week, William Finnegan writes about the 10-Story tall sculpture that has sprouted on the Jersey side of the entrance to New York Harbor. The sculpture, called "The Tear of Sorrow" is a "gift from the Russian People" and purports to memorialize the victims of 9/11. It also somehow represents solidarity between Russia and America in the "Global Struggle Against Terrorism."

To me though it just looks like a big ol' vagina:

This is a joke, right? The Russians have pulled one over on us, haven't they? They're taking the piss?

Kung Pao Mysteries: "Who Shot Laron Landry?"

2007-06-19T16:15:00.000-04:00

Redskins all over the joint these days:

1. Thankfully, Lavar Arrington appears to be recovering. I'm sure his spirits are flagging, though, as he realizes his chances for a comeback are now greatly diminished. Lavar, here's a get-well card for you:

2. Dan Snyder's obsessive compulsion to collect personalities like figurines has taken yet another West Coast direction, with his addition of Dick Clark. More action figures for the toy chest, Danny Boy.

3. Speaking of Dicks, we turn our attention to the Great Laron Landry Caper of 2007. Those of you normal enough to feel no need to consume football off-season news might have missed the story about Redskins Rookie Free Safety Laron Landry's being shot in the Cover Two during a "paintball incident." The crack investigators over at ProFootballTalk have blown this mystery wide open:

"A guy who knows the person who owns the paintball park at which Redskins safety LaRon Landry got hit in LaDong with a tiny ball of paint says Landry had "shot" one of his Redskins teammates, knocking him out of the game. Then, Landry walked up to the player, who was on the ground at the time, and proclaimed that he was going to finish him off, execution style.

The teammate then raised his paintball gun and shot Landry point-blank in the crotch."

This, if true, is an extraordinary feat of paintball heroism.

Imagine: Unknown Redskin, wounded, probably shot trying to defend Jason Cambell's flank, giving up his body in the process. Dazed, said Redskin tries to gather his senses as the battle rages about him. Pellets whizzing overhead, kicking up bark.

He has lost men before in combat, and has dispatched his share of the enemy, but never like this. This was different.

The sound of footsteps from behind brings him back into focus, kicking his training into gear. He marshals his strength, just enough to shout, "Run Jason!"

Then, silence. A lull in the firefight, a deathly quiet. The footsteps cease. A light breeze picks up, bringing Southern Summer up the valleys of the Shenandoah, the smell of afternoon rivers and fresh cut grass. His back propped against a tree stump for support, said Redskin feels no fear, no pain-- only a mild sense of surprise that The End comes so easy.

Going into shock. Got to keep focused.

Then, more footsteps from behind. And a voice:

"I shot you man. Now I'm going to finish you off."

Said Redskin quietly flips the safety off on his piece, keeping it under his leg, out of view.

Then he was standing over him, the Shooter. "You dead man." He said, leveling his gun at eye level.

A smile creeps across the wounded man's face. "No man," he says, squinting into the sun, "You dead."

FOOOOTFOOTOTOOOTOTTTOOOOOTOTO four rounds right to the Rookie's Blitz Package.

Dress Code

2007-06-18T19:14:00.000-04:00

∞ Saudi Arabia now requiring all women making the Haj to wear a burka. [Daily Times]

∞ Some Israelis wondering about Plan B. [Jerusalem Post]

∞ NATO ceding space to the Taliban. [BBC]

Wacky Fraternity Hazing Pranks OK by this President!

2007-06-18T16:31:00.000-04:00

§ So as of this morning, we know that Bush knew all about Abu Ghraib and did squat about it until after it hit the press. [New Yorker]

§ Oh hey, and guess what! Bush's "Signing Statements" probably actually had a little bit of an effect on the Abu Ghraib hijinks! [TPM]

§ Speaking of torturing presidents, everyone's afraid to tell Uzbekistan's President Karimov that his term is up. [Registan]

Tuesday is Crate and Barrel Day

2007-06-16T13:28:00.000-04:00

Well, not really-- but it is World Refugee Day, and while there is no shortage of misery in the world, I think we owe a little bit more to the displaced of Iraq.

So if you remember, pick up the phone on Tuesday and leave a quick message for the President. I'm sure he checks his voicemail. You can either repeat the message below, or just say "crate and barrel!" and hang up. He'll know what you're talking about.

Call on President Bush to fight the world's fastest growing refugee crisis

NATIONAL CALL-IN DAY FOR IRAQI REFUGEES

Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Call the White House at 202-456-1111

MORPH

2007-06-15T16:54:00.000-04:00

Gonzalez + England + Yoo + Abramoff = Toht!

Sucks

2007-06-14T19:31:00.000-04:00

Like I need another excuse to quit hotmail...

Mine's been down all day, as have, I gather, about 100 million other accounts. I think this is the El Alamein of Microsoft.

WTF

2007-06-13T17:11:00.000-04:00

I found this really bizarre montage of Iranian propaganda cartoons. I always wonder, with officially-sanctioned and government-censored stuff like this: how much of it reflects the cartoonists' actual interpretation of things? Does the artist actually believe, for example, that "Boush" is really behind suicide bombing in Iraq?

Jack Idema, Free at Last

2007-06-13T08:07:00.000-04:00

Paris Hilton is in, but Jack Idema, apparently, is out.

The AP is reporting that Jack Idema, the American who has been held for nearly three years in Afghanistan's Pul-e-charkh prison on charges of kidnapping and running a private jail for terror suspects, has been released and is now no longer in Afghanistan.

Idema had been podcasting from his cell, and maintained that he was working under contract for the US Military. The US has denied any involvement with Idema.

Though his whereabouts are currently unknown, he appears to be set to join Faceman, Murdock and BA to battle injustice in America while fighting to clear his name of accusations of crimes he did not commit.

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...

Hot Town, Summer in the City

2007-06-11T21:53:00.000-04:00

§ Isn't legislating habeas corpus a bit like the NFL decreeing that touchdowns are worth 6 points? (DCEIVER)

§ Memo to Mullah Omar: Swimming Lessons for the Kids. (ABC)

§ I'll see your Kosovo and raise you one Abkhazia and one Kurdistan. (FT)

§ Ken Silverstein blows up the Great Game. (HARPER'S)

Geopower

2007-06-11T12:04:00.000-04:00

If the Chesapeake Basin is a giant chessboard over which Camden Yards and RFK Stadium are locked in a life-or-death struggle, then St. Mary's County Maryland might be considered the Center of the Board-- the mythical place where pawns and knights plant their standards, dig in, and hope that their flanks can hold.

It is on this graceful peninsula, where the Chesapeake meets the Potomac, that the first Marylanders settled, and pronounced, among other things, that man should be free to practice whichever religion he wanted without fear of persecution. I wondered if it held true for baseball teams.

I was in St. Mary's for a wedding this weekend, and, with the upcoming Orioles-Nationals interleague series, was curious about how well the Washington team was faring in this once solidly black-and-orange county.

At the site of the rehearsal dinner, I noticed a teenager with a Nationals hat (blue, not red, surprisingly). He wore it low and flat, like Chad Cordero, and seemed surprised when I approached him.

"Are you local?"
"Born and raised."
"Are there more Nats fans than O's fans here?"
"Shit. Nationals, dog."

He finished his cigarette and went inside. I wandered through the parking lot and had a look at the licence-plate frames- often a wealth of demographic information. I saw one black-and-orange plate, no Nationals paraphernalia, and about a dozen lacrosse stickers of various types.

Later, I spoke with the bartender at the wedding, a man who I guessed to be in his mid-40's-- old enough to remember the 1970 Orioles team that beat Cincy, and probably in college for the '83 team.
"This Orioles or Nationals country?"
"O's. Well it used to be. I think it still is. I grew up thinking Jim Palmer was god."
"Well he kind of was."
"Haven't seen them much since they moved to the new place. My dad was a huge Senators fan, though."

Later, at a bar after the wedding, I approached a group of guys in their mid 20's, huddled over the bar and squinting at the TV, which had Baseball Tonight with closed captions.

Their responses were mixed:

"Ryan Zimmerman." said one.
"Fuck you, you used to wear Cal Ripken jerseys in high school!"
"Yeah man, I don't know... Angelos..." his voice trailed off.
"Camden yards is awesome! This is still O's country. All the way."

On Sunday, as I drove back to town, I flipped on the radio and listened to Fred Manfra and Joe Angel call the Colorado Game. It was pleasant, like hearing old friends' voices on the phone.

The response in St. Mary's had been mixed. Ultimately, though, it appears that the Orioles were retreating from this area, ceding ground to the upstarts on the Anacostia. For now.

Sick Day

2007-06-08T13:07:00.001-04:00

When I was 12, my parents moved me from a tiny Catholic School where I had been with the same 15 or so kids since Kindergarten, to a sprawling, prison-like public school with 1000 or so feral seventh and eight graders.

I was "an early shaver" which is the male equivalent of being the first girl in your class to wear a bra. It was mortifying, and the fact that I was about 5'8 and 120 lbs didn't help much either. Plus I didn't own Jams, Raising Hell, or Licence to Ill. The only skateboard I owned was a Nash, which is roughly equivalent to walking around with a sticker saying "DORK" on it. Also, I still still played D&D.

Perhaps worst of all, I had a lisp. This my parents couldn't have predicted when they gave me two "s"es in my first name to go with the two in my last. Not thurpithingly, I thuffered through every thententh.

Anyway, as the year went on and I was terrorized on a daily basis by shorter, Jams-wearing, popular kids who I knew from my soccer team but were quite comfortable picking on me when girls and other Jams-wearing popular kids were around, my grades, self-esteem, and boyish joie de vivre went right down the crapper.

I coped by not going to school. I cut classes when I could, usually gym class, and, with the small company of troll-like misfits I ran with, became quite good at shoplifting candy from the People's Drug Store up the street.

I also began to call in sick a lot. Probably once a week, faking headaches, stomach aches-- whatever I needed to do to convince Mom that I was not well and I did not need to go to school. It was on one of these sick days that I watched the Space Shuttle Explode.

The point of this is that when things are not going well, one of the ways people deal with life is by putting it off another day. This was my first thought when I heard that President Bush had called in sick at the G8 this morning.

Then I read this and saw these pictures and began to reconsider.

Your Lips To God

2007-06-07T12:07:00.000-04:00

This from the Wikipedia Entry for Scooter Libby:

Creative writing

In 1996 Libby published a novel entitled The Apprentice. It concerns a group of travelers stranded in northern Japan in the winter of 1903 during a smallpox epidemic.[39] After Libby's grand jury indictment, his publisher (St. Martin's Press [Griffin]) reprinted the novel, described as "an everyday tale of bestiality and paedophilia in 1903 Japan...[and] packed with sexual perversion, dwelling on prepubescent girls and their training as prostitutes": "One passage describes a girl being thrown into a cage 'with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons....They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest. Groups of men paid to watch.'"[40]

In an interview, after telling Larry King a more general account of the plot and describing how he turned a college project into this novel, he enthusiastically endorsed King's suggestion that one day it might become a "movie":

KING: This sounds like a movie.
LIBBY: Well, you know, say it louder.
KING: Your lips to God, right?
LIBBY: Right.[27]

Ron Paul Rocks the Debate!

2007-06-07T10:41:00.000-04:00

Or so they say- I couldn't bear to watch. I just read it at Brokekid, though, so it must be true.

ABC News Poll:

No one reporting it because no one really believes it. Also, suspicious IP addresses for votes being traced to wired-up warehouses in suburban Jakarta.

Ron Paul actually a pretty appealing candidate. I don't share his faith in the Universal Magic of Adam Smith's Invisible Hand, but at least the guy stands for something. And also- he's kind of sweet, in a grandfatherly kind of way, something that really sets him apart from most of the nimrods in the GOP Race.

Nasty Little Wars: Roundup

2007-06-07T08:18:00.000-04:00

∞ BBC Reporting on Sri Lankan government drive to push itinerant Tamils out of (majority Sinhalese) Colombo.

∞ Basque Separatists call off ceasefire with Spain, insist that Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Zapatero (the same man pushing to increase gay rights and ease abortion restrictions in Spain) is a "fascist."

∞ And this creepy quote from the NYT article on the US missile strike in Somalia:

"On Saturday, Bryan Whitman, a Defense Department spokesman, said in an e-mail message, “This is a global war on terror and the U.S. remains committed to reducing terrorist capabilities when and where we find them.”

The statement went on to say, “The very nature of some of our operations, as well as the success of those operations, is often predicated on our ability to work quietly with our partners and allies.”

Have the Body

2007-06-06T08:55:00.000-04:00

Congress inching towards passing legislation on what by some accounts has existed as a principle of jurisprudence since the 11th Century.

Still waiting to see if Bills on Heliocentrism, Gravity, and other out-of-fashion ideas can make it out of Committee.

Where Have you Gone, Joe DiMaggio?

2007-06-05T09:38:00.000-04:00

Really interesting table on the wikipedia site for Citi Field, the new ballpark for the New York Mets, comparing it to Shea Stadium.

The Stats:

Conclusions:

1. Tickets will cost more.
2. We're taller.
3. We're fatter.
4. We shop more.
5. We're more sensitive to the needs of the disabled.
6. Corporations have more money.
7. We eat out more.
8. We shop more.
9. Our bladders are shrinking.
10. We don't like stairs.
11. Left-handed batters hit baseballs further.

Ollie North Clarifies that Things That Happen in the Real World Have Little or Nothing to do With Him

2007-06-04T15:39:00.000-04:00

Ollie North is in Korea:

"Seoul, Korea — Shortly before we arrived here, the Republic of Korea launched its first Aegis Class destroyer, the King Sejong. A few hours after we landed in this booming metropolis, the North Korean People’s Army “test-fired” several Silkworm anti-shipping missiles into the East Sea, between North Korea and Japan. Neither event is related to our FOX News War Stories team being here to shoot a Korean War documentary ..."

Bizarro International Brigades fighting in Somalia

2007-06-04T13:28:00.000-04:00

Bizarro Hemingway, Bizarro Orwell killed in US strike on Islamist fighters in Somalia. Also, a Swede, and a number of civilians yet to be determined.

"For Whom the Muzzin Wails" and "Homage to Puntland" now will remain unfinished.

Page A-friggin' 18!

2007-06-03T22:56:00.001-04:00

We bomb Somalia, possibly killing "an unknown number of villagers" and the Washington Post chooses to report it on A18? A friggin' 18? Is this where we are right now? Oh, and by the way, Walter Pincus continuing his excellent reporting on pre-war dissent in the CIA. This one on page A8.

Bring Back Ben Bradlee!

(!)------------------------------------------------------------->

Outrage-ometer: IN THE RED

2007-06-01T10:41:00.000-04:00

5.45: Slate's Dahlia Lithwick on Vote Caging. This has legs.

7.72: The "50 Years of American Military Presence in Iraq" idea is gaining traction among small clique of mentally disabled policymakers. NOTE TO BUSH: This is why people fly airplanes into our cities. Imperialism is trés 19th Century.

9.01: Global War on Terror in Africa not working out too well, either. Somalia in a state of collapse that is bad even by the tragic standards of Africa's Horn. Anthony Shadid writes about the humanitarian side.

CDC Needs to Isolate this Pandemic, Too

2007-05-30T13:12:00.000-04:00

If Mental Illness is a disease, why doesn't the CDC quarantine Pennsylvania Avenue?

The latest outbreak of virulent dementia of the White House, according to Reuters:

President George W. Bush would like to see a lengthy U.S. troop presence in Iraq like the one in South Korea to provide stability but not in a frontline combat role, the White House said on Wednesday.

Joshua Micah Marshall at TPM explains the painfully obvious for those of you who may not have picked up on the fact by now that the President of the United States and the thirty or so concentric circles surrounding him are FUCKING INSANE.

I called the CDC to see if they would consider sending up the guys in the big White Space Suits to shut down the Executive Branch, but they put me on hold.

Memorial Day Weekend

2007-05-30T08:19:00.000-04:00

This weekend we visited Yorktown, Virginia, site of the Revolutionary War's decisive battle. I felt some shame at my own ignorance of the early years of the Republic, so I picked up a copy of David McCullough's "1776."

It's a great read, and so far, I haven't regretted the $18.00 I spent on it *(after all, that's only like five gallons of gas at this point).

I came across this passage about George Washington on page 48:

"Stories were told of extraordinary feats of strength-- how, for example, Washington had thrown a stone from the bed of a stream to the top of Viginia's famous Natural Bridge, a height of 215 feet."

This apparently from Washington's own journal. Is this possible? I know that a professional Center Fielder can fire baseballs in to the catcher on a hop, usually from around 300 feet. But straight up in the air for 215? Without the cream and the clear?

In any case, the passage immediately made me think of comical, musical, and artistic genius Brad Neely's tribute to our first President.

Dems Pull off Circus-Quality Feats of Contortionism

2007-05-25T11:02:00.001-04:00

In high school I once saw a performance by a man known as "Zeldran el Magnifico" who blew me away when he inserted a cable with a tiny light bulb up his nose, into his throat, and out of his mouth. Then, with the tiny lighbulb still poking out of his mouth, Zeldran reached into his pocket and withdrew some kind of lens, showing it to the crowd before holding it up to his mouth and projecting a high-powered spotlight into the audience, which shrieked with delight and nausea.

Until Wednesday, that was the most stunning bit of sideshow contortionism I had ever seen. But the Congressional Dems have outdone Zeldran el Magnifico with their compromise on the War Funding Bill. Still rosy-cheeked from last November's electoral tsunami, the apparently cartilage-free party of Roosevelt has pulled off the remarkable feat of bending over, sticking its head between its knees, and inserting it, neck-deep, up its own asshole.

ROUNDUP: Jeff's Clarifications of the Week

2007-05-25T07:58:00.000-04:00

∞ Paul Theroux is not English.

∞ Ravens are not Crows. (This I learned from Wikipedia to be not true-- and Wikipedia never lies. Jeff, if you're reading this, Ravens are a type of Crow!)

∞ America is not well.

Gonzalez Aide Shrieking and Crapping Everywhere

2007-05-23T17:14:00.000-04:00

Monica Goodling is cute, except when she pulls your hair and throws feces at you from her cage.

Ballston

2007-05-23T08:31:00.000-04:00

The Western half of the Metro's Orange Line is Washington's economic lifeline, the subterranean Via Appia of the New Rome. I pick it up from the Red Line at Metro Center, the city's depressing underground transport hub. It's still early rush hour, so I manage to find a seat next to a bespectacled man in his 50's reading a Tom Clancy geopolitical thriller.

I take in my fellow-passengers on the train. Grey-faced office workers gazing out the black windows of the train as it hurdles towards Virginia, watching the walls of the tunnel as it passes. At Foggy Bottom, the stop for the State Department and George Washington University, my neighbor gets off, and is replaced by a sweating 5,000-pound Hippo of a man who grunts as he plops down beside me.

We scoot under the Potomac River and enter America's Second Capital, the chain of Orange Line boomtowns between Rosslyn and Vienna.

If Washington DC is the brain of America, then the western half of the Orange Line forms its pulsating hypothalamus, the "master gland" of the world' sole superpower.

No one has benefited more from Reaganism than Fairfax County, Virginia. For die-hard conservatives, the Gipper "shrunk the federal government" and crushed the sprawling New Deal Federal bureaucracies. For people who live in a world constrained by empirical data, however, he simply began the process of contracting out the civil services. Policymaking was now open for business. Today, the "public-private partnership" is to Fairfax and Arlington Counties what petroleum is to Dubai.

Anyone who is anyone in America (or the World) maintains an outpost here.

I get off at Ballston, along with my sweaty Gargantua of a fellow-passenger. Posters for Lockheed Martin (motto: "We never forget who we're working for") adorn the grey, retrofuturistic walls of the station. Some defiant teenager has drawn hairy cocks and balls hanging from the helicopters. It warms my heart.

I emerge from the escalator into a colorless vacuum. The architecture that greets me is remarkable only for its oppressive sameness. Wide, rubbish-free streets and sidewalks lined by giant working-hives of concrete and glass. A few restaurants with uninviting outdoor seating do little to disrupt the monotonous cityscape. Even the cars on the street avoid distinction- sedan SUV sedan SUV, all newish and well-kept.

I wonder how a civilization at its supposed peak can produce such a place. Napoleon III left the Champs-Elysees, the Almoravids built the Alhambra. Our legacy is the office park.

I'm early so I sit and order a coffee from a Middle Eastern place called "Aladdin's." It is awful to drink but I force it down.

On the street, a parade of the undead passes by, thousands of shapeless professionals shuffling to their stations. The coffee, amazingly, costs $2.15. I leave 3 on the table and join the parade.

Secret Wars

2007-05-22T06:02:00.000-04:00

It looks like British Investigators on the Litvinenko case are not going to back away from implicating the Kremlin.

Next Generation of Justice Department Hacks Remembers Falwell

2007-05-16T17:50:00.000-04:00

A touching tribute from Falwell's Liberty University whiz-kids.

Oh, and a refreshing article in Slate reminding us all why Falwell is such a jackass.

Sorry, did I say "is?" I meant "was."

Wesley Clark at SAIS

2007-05-16T11:22:00.000-04:00

No snark here. I just went down to Johns Hopkins SAIS in DC to listen to Wesley Clark deliver a speech and do some Q&A. Assembled were 50 or so journalists, grad students, Foreign Policy professionals and interested citizens.

The guy is impressive. Compared to each of the mainstream presidential candidates, Clark is clear, forceful, and full of real ideas formed by real experience. Unfortunately, he has yet to throw his hat into the race.

His theme ("Legitimacy- First Task for American Security") is not terribly original, and different versions of it have been bandied about by people like Obama and Hillary. But his clinical, point-by-point dissection of the way this White House has mangled America's image, and his contention that image (not the military) is the true source of American power, is better formulated than any of the frontline Dems.

His eyebrow-raising three-point plan:

1. Change America's image abroad (no more torture, blacksite, extrajudicial kidnapping, unjustified wars, a return to diplomacy)
2. Change the debate at home (I forgot this part, but it was boring anyway).
AND,
3. ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THOSE WHO GOT US INTO THIS MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Point three is the juiciest. Clarks wants to open investigations into the decision-making process behind the Iraq war policy, Abu Ghraib, domestic wiretapping, black sites, and the whole, disgusting Bush foreign policy enterprise, and hold the feet of those responsible to the fire.

Amen, brother. I'm not easily impressed by political rhetoric, but General Clark actually had some goosebumps going. Run Wesley Run.

John Ashcroft, HERO OF AMERICA

2007-05-15T17:37:00.000-04:00

From today's Washington Post, a fantastic news article that reads like one of the signature scenes in every mob movie since The Godfather. Reproduced here, with cinematographical flourishes:

"...

Comey said it was set in motion by a call from the White House, possibly from Bush himself, to Ashcroft's hospital room, informing the attorney general's wife that Gonzales and Card were on their way to see him. Comey said that upon learning of the call around 8 p.m., he called his chief of staff and FBI Director Mueller to ask that they meet him at the hospital immediately.

"I was concerned that, given how ill I knew the attorney general was, that there might be an effort to ask him to overrule me when he was in no condition to do that," Comey said. He added later, "I was concerned that this was an effort to do an end run around the acting attorney general and to get a very sick man to approve something that the Department of Justice had already concluded . . . was unable to be certified as to its legality."

Comey said (FBI Director) Mueller instructed FBI agents at the hospital by phone "not to allow me to be removed from the room under any circumstances." (!!!!)

Soon afterward, Gonzales, accompanied by Card, walked in carrying an envelope and explained that he wanted Ashcroft to sign a presidential order, Comey said.

"And Attorney General Ashcroft then stunned me," he said. "He lifted his head off the pillow and in very strong terms expressed his view of the matter . . . and then laid his head back down on the pillow [and] seemed spent. . . . And as he laid back down, he said, 'But that doesn't matter, because I'm not the attorney general. There is the attorney general,' and he pointed to me."

RON PAUL lights up the blogosphere!

2007-05-15T12:45:00.000-04:00

Top searches in Technorati today: RON PAUL!
These are strange days. This can only mean one of two things:
1. Ron Paul, obscure Congressman and long shot Presidential candidate, has his finger on the pulse of what moves America's blogiverse.
2. Ron Paul pays an army of 12-year old Indonesians 2¢/day to run searches on his name:

What's the Statute of Limitations on Bullshit?

2007-05-13T07:59:00.000-04:00

Dick Cheney on FOX News:

"We didn't get elected to worry just about the fate of the Republican Party. Our mission is to do everything we can to prevail on what is now, we believe, a global conflict, a fundamental test of the character of the American people, whether or not we're going to be able to prevail against one of the most evil opponents we've ever faced."

Incredible, especially when you consider that no one seems quite sure who this evil opponent is. The closer you look, the murkier it gets. Is it a network of like-minded fundamentalists? A political philosophy? A military tactic? A spiritual movement? A non-state entity? A militia? A gang? An army? A mafia? A pandemic of mental illness? A suicide cult?

Are we checking Shi'a expansionism? Cutting down Wahabbi militarism? Stamping out Ba'athism? Suppressing anti-imperialism? Containing Arab nationalism? Fighting Pashtun revivalism? Flanking Pan-Persianism? Snuffing out terrorism? Securing strategic resources? Protecting sea-lanes? Keeping our friends safe? Exporting democracy? Projecting stability? Heading off genocide? Stopping a civil war?

5 bucks to any journalist who asks the Vice President who, specifically, we are fighting, and what, specifically, we're fighting for. And don't let him say "evil" because that's just bullshit. People only fight evil in comic books.

Adolf Eichmann's Day In Court

2007-05-11T16:54:00.000-04:00

I was at the Library of Congress today doing some research for a relative who's writing a book on the Hannah Arendt papers. Arendt was political theorist whose best-known work was "Eichmann in Jerusalem," a book that was controversial to many for its portrayal of the former SS Obersturmbannführer as just another cog in the malevolent machine that was Nazi Germany. It was in this work that she coined the term "the banality of evil."

Among the documents in the collection was Eichmann's appeal , filed by his lawyers to the Supreme Court of Israel in 1962. Pretty dark stuff:

Iraqi Parliamentarians Voting With Their Paid Leave

2007-05-11T08:15:00.000-04:00

Everyone's all hot and bothered about the fact that the Iraqi Parliament is planning a two-month vacation in the middle of a civil war and during the "last best chance" for the US to stabilize the country.

Guess what, America: That's their way of telling us they don't want us there any more.

Math Workshop

2007-05-10T09:09:00.000-04:00

For today's Math Workshop, let's lay out two recent polls side-by-side:

1. A Newsweek poll found that 48% of Americans believe that man was "created in his present form by God."

2. The same publication found that Bush's approval rating fell through the political Mendoza line, to 28%.

QUESTION:

HOW MANY AMERICANS (out of a population of 305,000,000) are too stupid to understand biology 101, yet smart enough to know that Bush is a nimrod?

You have 5 minutes to complete your answer. When you are finished, please close your test booklet. Please write with a No. 2 Pencil, and don't forget to write your name on the top.

Your New Skyline, Brought to you By Lockheed Martin, Boeing, and United Arab Emirates

2007-05-09T09:09:00.000-04:00

Look across the Potomac River from any vantage point of reasonable height in DC, and you'll see this gargantuan sculpture carving up the sky over Arlington:

The Air Force Memorial was designed by architect Jim Freed, who also did the Holocaust Museum in Washington. Freed died in 2005, but his design wasn't erected until 2007.

Here's why it sucks:

§ Civilian Casualties. "Smart" bombs notwithstanding, the USAF is the source of the majority of non-combatant deaths in Bosnia, Kosovo, Afghanistan, and both Iraq Wars. In a war where winning "hearts and minds" is paramount, it's worth asking whether the collateral damage from air strikes has in fact been collateral. Does the Air Force, with its awesome arsenal of Bunker Busters and Daisy Cutters, make more enemies than it kills?

§ Religious Zeal: for non-evangelical Christians, the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs has become a decidedly unfriendly place. This is disquieting for those of us who like to believe that the US Military represents a multicultural cross-section of American society. It's troubling to see religious intolerance flourish in the one institution that is responsible for blowing things up.

§ Corruption: no one has done more to bilk the American people out of billions in tax revenue than the Air Force. They command the lion's share of the defense budget, and are notorious for ill-conceived pork projects to megacontractors like Lockheed Martin, Boeing, and Raytheon.

I'm also not sure how appropriate this monument is in 2007. Whereas in Vietnam, more than 2,500 Air Force Personnel died in combat, in Iraq, the Air Force has lost a total of 30 members in the four years of fighting. Tragic, to be sure, but only a slightly bad week for the Army (and a pretty quiet day for Iraqi Civilians).

Equally troubling is the Memorial's financing. The donor list, reproduced below, seems to suggest not a monument at all, but a craven bit of marketing by weapons dealers, a grotesque post-modern billboard for the military-industrial complex.

Chairman's Group - $5,500,000 & Up
Lockheed Martin Corporation

President's Group - $5,000,000 & Up
The Boeing Company

Patriot’s Group - $2,000,000 & Up
Northrop Grumman Corporation
Raytheon
United Arab Emirates Air Force

Commander's Circle - $1,000,000 & Up
United Technologies
General & Mrs. Ira C. Eaker Estate
EADS North America
Sarah & Ross Perot, Jr.
Pei Cobb Freed & Partners Architects

Air Force Leaders - $500,000 & Up
Air Force Association National Headquarters
General Electric Corporation
RJ Reynolds Foundation

Perhaps a more low-key monument would be fine, but Freed's piece is startling to look at, evoking not the bloody air wars over the Pacific or Europe, but the indifferent, geometric contrails of high-tech violence. The design lacks any sense of gravity or seriousness-- none of the sober emotions one feels at Arlington Cemetery. It doesn't even feel like a war memorial. As a piece of art, it works on a much more basic level: "See this?" It says, "This means we can do whatever we want."

Vacation Plans: The Institute for Creation Research

2007-05-08T08:15:00.000-04:00

Memorial Day is just around the corner! If you're looking to spend your holidays an educational, relaxing and spiritually fulfilling environment, KPC has just the right thing for you: Head on down to sunny Santee, California and check out the Institute of Creation Research's Museum of Creation and Earth History! It's faith-based fun for the whole family!

Some highlights:

§ Treat your eyes and ears to a full-spectrum multimedia assault on monkey-loving evolutionary "science."

§ Wander through the Museum's bookstore and load up on home-school texts for the kids!

§ Explore the "Origins Exhibit" (only 7 quick stops!) and learn why Noah hated the Dinosaurs!

Highlights of the Republican Debate

2007-05-06T12:22:00.000-04:00

Rudy Giuliani, when asked whether he would assist Israel in a preemptive strike against Iran:

"It really depends on what our intelligence says. I mean, the reality is, the use of military force against Iran would be very dangerous. It would be very provocative. ."

WTF

2007-05-03T17:14:00.000-04:00

What on EARTH am I supposed to write here? "Describe your interpersonal skills as they apply to you?"

Myanmar Totally Jukes out CIA!

2007-05-02T09:19:00.000-04:00

In the still of the night, the ruthless junta that runs Myanmar moved its capital from Rangoon to a remote, artificial town in the interior of the country. Like everything else in Myanmar, the reasons for the move are not clear, with explanations ranging from a fear of US invasion, a discomort with proximity to Rangoon's pro-Democracy movement, and strongman Than Shwe's culty obsession with numerology.

Myanmar, which changed its name from Burma in 1989, is in an elite class of basketcase countries run by bizarre, repressive dictators.

But if the fear of US invasion is truly one of the motives, it appears to have paid off! A visit to the CIA factbook online shows a map of "Burma" with its capital still in Rangoon.

This stunning intelligence failure begs the question of whether the CIA still maintains station chiefs in Rhodesia and Upper Volta. Requests for comment from the US Embassy in East Pakistan were not answered.

A Man's Got to Take Care of His Family

2007-05-01T09:41:00.000-04:00

Today Ken Silverstein of Harpers.org gives a nice little update on the legal problems facing Congressman Rick Renzi, who is being investigated for accepting (and not reporting) $200,000 from an old business partner.

But is he being fair? KPC's crack researchers went to Renzi's website to get to the bottom of all this and found no mention of these so-called corruption allegations! What's more, at the bottom of his bio page, they learned that Rick "...and his wife Roberta are the proud parents of twelve children, seven boys and five girls."

That's only $14,286 per capita for the Renzi clan--not even minimum wage!

What, no Rock and Roll?

2007-05-01T09:20:00.000-04:00

This morning, while surfing for spiritual salvation online, I noticed that Focus on the Family website made the curious editorial choice to run an article about "Substance Abuse" under the "Love and Sex/Sexual Issues" page.

Granted, the Evangelical movement has been a great resource to many who fight drug and alcohol addiction. But why are they so weird about sex?

El Antichristo (for 4 Bucks an Hour With No Benefits)

2007-05-01T06:08:00.000-04:00

A really sick one tripped Wonkette's wire today. This out of Utah:

----------§----------

"...Don Larsen, chairman of legislative District 65 for the Utah County Republican Party, had submitted a resolution warning that Satan's minions want to eliminate national borders and do away with sovereignty.

In a speech at the convention, Larsen told those gathered that illegal immigrants "hate American people" and "are determined to destroy this country, and there is nothing they won't do."

Illegal aliens are in control of the media, and working in tandem with Democrats, are trying to "destroy Christian America" and replace it with "a godless new world order -- and that is not extremism, that is fact," Larsen said.

At the end of his speech, Larsen began to cry, saying illegal immigrants were trying to bring about the destruction of the U.S. "by self invasion."

--------------------------------§-------------------------------------

The British are Coming!

2007-04-30T15:35:00.000-04:00

Everything in DC's on fire! First, the Eastern Market fire this morning, and now, the Georgetown Public Library.

Since we're still 7 years away from the bicentennial of the British burning of the city, I'm a bit reluctant to blame Royalist Terrorists at this point. Still- I think someone should keep an eye on Christopher Hitchens just in case.

Wish I could find a picture of Bush fiddling.

Prestigious Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies Welcomes Secretary Chertoff

2007-04-30T14:06:00.000-04:00

Got this invitation in the email this morning:

-------------------

The Johns Hopkins University
Paul H. Nitze School of Advanced International Studies
Center for Transatlantic Relations

Invites you to attend a lecture
By Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security

Michael Chertoff

Regarding
"Addressing Transnational Threats in the 21st Century"

Thursday, May 3 at 12:30 p.m.

--------------------------------------

OK, three quick ones for Chertoff:

∞ Can we expect a spike in transnational threats as we creep towards November of 2008?

∞ Is a low pressure system that originates off the coast of Africa and generates high winds as it crosses through the Caribbean considered a "transnational threat?"

∞ Why don't you give this lecture in New Orleans? Oh yeah that's right- it's gone.

ROUNDUP: Jeff's highlights of the week

2007-04-28T18:40:00.000-04:00

Jeff spends a lot of time on the roof of our building thinking things through. Three highlights from this week:

∞ Observed that people who live or work together seem to have dreams in bursts at more or less the same time. Pscychic pheromones?

∞ Told me a joke Gore Vidal told him at a party 10 years ago: Apparently Vidal had met Nixon and asked him what he thought of George HW Bush. "Oh, he's not much of anything... you can always push him around... but his wife-- she's special! She's vicious!" When Jeff delivered the punch line, it was as Gore Vidal impersonating Richard Nixon.

∞ Informed me that his computer has something called "The Blue Screen of Death."

Assonance + Alliteration

2007-04-28T13:36:00.000-04:00

Laron Landry, Strong Safety for your Washington Wedskins.

No shoes thrown at the TV.

No Chitlins Left Behind

2007-04-27T18:41:00.000-04:00

Why is it that Washington DC, with all the GDP and IQ flying around this joint, has such a knack for making things look uncool? UnderConsideration explains.

Link

Three bad ideas for a blog

2007-04-27T17:46:00.000-04:00

1. ChopperSpotter.com: In which I hang out on my roof with a digital camera and post photographs and schedules of inbound and outbound helicopter traffic over DC.

2. GrowBabyGrow.com: Where I liveblog the progress of the plants on my windowsill.

3. MichelleMalkin.com.

Three things I might do this weekend

2007-04-27T12:39:00.000-04:00

1. "Work on my resume"
2. "Identify a networking opportunity"
3. Shout at the TV when the Redskins give their draft picks to the Bears for linebacker Lance Briggs of on draft day.

Three highlights of last night's Democratic Party debate

2007-04-27T11:20:00.000-04:00

1. Gravel: "Tell me, Obama, who do you want to nuke?"
2. Gravel: "Biden has that certain arrogance."
3. Edwards: "I'm not- I'm not sure I understood the question."

Three things my boss has told me:

2007-04-27T11:15:00.000-04:00

1. Iran and Al Qaeda are the same thing. Also Iraq.
2. Islam is violent
3. "One thing we need to do is get a travel agent, because I tried doing the whole thing on the email (!!) and I'll tell you they just don't give you the quality of service you need probably because they're in, you know, India or something. So can you do that? Here's my password."

Three rules to live by:

2007-04-27T11:06:00.000-04:00

1. Never fight a land war in Asia
2. Never fight a two-front war
3. Never, ever fight a two front land war in Asia