Kungpao Mysteries: SOLVED!

A month back we were fretting about the sudden disappearance of why.i.hate.dc. It turns out that I just had the wrong url. Duh.

Brownie, You're Doing a Heckuva Job!

Just because British Prime Minister Gordon Brown has a funny accent doesn't mean he's a Foreign Minister. That's a different job.

Congratulations, Asian Cup Champions

I don't know much about Asian Soccer-- just a vague sense that the continent's traditional powers, Iran, Japan, Korea and Saudi Arabia, have been sending solid teams to the World Cup since it was held here in 1994. Saudi Striker Al Orawain announced the arrival of Asian soccer with the most memorable goal of that event-- a 70-yard run that sliced through the reeling Belgian defenders. In France in 1998, Iran's defeat of the much-hyped US side struck a geopolitcal chord among soccer jingoists here. And, in the first World Cup held in Asia, twin hosts Japan and Korea impressed, with Korea's defeat of Italy leaving a disfiguring scar from Torino to Palermo (this, I was assured by an Italian friend of mine, was on par with that country's 1896 military humiliation in Abyssinia).

With that in mind, congratulations to Iraq's 1-0 win over Saudi Arabia in yesterday's Asian Cup Final. It is an extraordinary feat on its own, and, in the context of what is happening in Iraq, nothing short of a miracle. Someone please make a movie about it.

In the meantime, watch the goal that won it:

BREAKING NEWS

Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

CONCENTRATE ALL YOUR FIREPOWER ON THE LARGEST OF THE STAR DESTROYERS!

§ We'll last a hell of a lot longer against those Star Destroyers than we will against that Death Star! +FOX+

§ That's no moon. That's a space station.

§ Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances. +WaPo+

§ The shaft is ray-shielded, so you'll have to use your proton torpedos!

Greasers vs. Socs at the City Paper

Angela Valdez has started a class war!

Read the article, then read the comments, then go rent The Outsiders.

12 Inches of Snow

Yes, it's been almost 15 years since Canadian Dancehall giant Snow left his mark on popular culture, but for some reason I was thinking about him when I read White House Press Secretary Tony Snow's statement this morning:

Today's report provides an interim assessment of developments in Iraq just as the final US forces have arrived and begun operations in support of the Baghdad security plan. The report describes satisfactory progress in a number of key security areas -- including the deployment of Iraqi forces in Baghdad, the establishment of joint security stations in Baghdad, and the increased capability and independence of Iraqi military units. These security measures have helped reduce levels of violence in Baghdad and Anbar province -- and should provide some space for the government of Iraq to make progress on key political benchmarks. It also shows important progress in economic and political matters.

Tony Snow spins the truth like the Canadian Reggae Snow spins the turntable. They're both skilled wordsmiths. Tony lies about Iraq and Canadian Reggae Snow lies about the size of his cock.

With that in mind, read it again, but with a soundtrack.