Kungpao Mysteries: SOLVED!

A month back we were fretting about the sudden disappearance of why.i.hate.dc. It turns out that I just had the wrong url. Duh.

Brownie, You're Doing a Heckuva Job!

Just because British Prime Minister Gordon Brown has a funny accent doesn't mean he's a Foreign Minister. That's a different job.

Congratulations, Asian Cup Champions

I don't know much about Asian Soccer-- just a vague sense that the continent's traditional powers, Iran, Japan, Korea and Saudi Arabia, have been sending solid teams to the World Cup since it was held here in 1994. Saudi Striker Al Orawain announced the arrival of Asian soccer with the most memorable goal of that event-- a 70-yard run that sliced through the reeling Belgian defenders. In France in 1998, Iran's defeat of the much-hyped US side struck a geopolitcal chord among soccer jingoists here. And, in the first World Cup held in Asia, twin hosts Japan and Korea impressed, with Korea's defeat of Italy leaving a disfiguring scar from Torino to Palermo (this, I was assured by an Italian friend of mine, was on par with that country's 1896 military humiliation in Abyssinia).

With that in mind, congratulations to Iraq's 1-0 win over Saudi Arabia in yesterday's Asian Cup Final. It is an extraordinary feat on its own, and, in the context of what is happening in Iraq, nothing short of a miracle. Someone please make a movie about it.

In the meantime, watch the goal that won it:

BREAKING NEWS

Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

CONCENTRATE ALL YOUR FIREPOWER ON THE LARGEST OF THE STAR DESTROYERS!

§ We'll last a hell of a lot longer against those Star Destroyers than we will against that Death Star! +FOX+

§ That's no moon. That's a space station.

§ Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances. +WaPo+

§ The shaft is ray-shielded, so you'll have to use your proton torpedos!

Greasers vs. Socs at the City Paper

Angela Valdez has started a class war!

Read the article, then read the comments, then go rent The Outsiders.

12 Inches of Snow

Yes, it's been almost 15 years since Canadian Dancehall giant Snow left his mark on popular culture, but for some reason I was thinking about him when I read White House Press Secretary Tony Snow's statement this morning:

Today's report provides an interim assessment of developments in Iraq just as the final US forces have arrived and begun operations in support of the Baghdad security plan. The report describes satisfactory progress in a number of key security areas -- including the deployment of Iraqi forces in Baghdad, the establishment of joint security stations in Baghdad, and the increased capability and independence of Iraqi military units. These security measures have helped reduce levels of violence in Baghdad and Anbar province -- and should provide some space for the government of Iraq to make progress on key political benchmarks. It also shows important progress in economic and political matters.

Tony Snow spins the truth like the Canadian Reggae Snow spins the turntable. They're both skilled wordsmiths. Tony lies about Iraq and Canadian Reggae Snow lies about the size of his cock.

With that in mind, read it again, but with a soundtrack.

London Calling

From London, an old friend signs off an email on a dark note:

Mate – I’m off home. Apocalyptic rain over here. Didn’t stop for about three weeks. About 50,000 homeless in Yorkshire. Climate chaos. And I’m on a mountain bike. Love it. Never going on a tube again. The fear started to melt my brain every time I took it. stops in the sealed tunnels. No PA announcement. Hot death eye blurring internal rising panic. Bike, bus, train or cab for me.

Kungpao Mysteries: Who Whacked why.i.hate.dc?

Overnight one of this city's lemony-freshest voices has been snuffed from the sphere, and is now nothing more than google cache trash.

What happened? Should the rest of us start looking over our shoulders? DCeiver just turned 3, and wonkette, in spite of the ugly new layout, appears to be going strong.

Is that a clicking on my phone? How long has that same van been parked across the street?

Goooood. I feel your.... angerrrrr

The UN has now confirmed an Afghan report that NATO and Coalition airstrikes in Afghanistan kill more civilians than the Taliban do. This makes sense in a way because the Taliban, nasty as they are, do not have Raytheon, McDonnel Douglas and the rest of the military incuntrial complex.

The New Yorker's John Lee Anderson gives a very compelling account of the difficult anti-opium efforts deep in Taliban country. He also, I think, explains in an indirect way why we've managed to turn the anti-Taliban efforts from mop-up (which is what it was when I lived in there in 2002-3) to a suddenly very losable war.

The problem, ultimately, is cultural. The last graf of the piece:

Back at camp, everyone was in a bad mood. Hook, the former prison guard, remarked, “We ought to take all those guys and hang them in public, beginning with the governor.” He laughed, and added, “Good thing I’m not an idealist—I’m just here for the money.”

Run Bloomy Run!

I just ran down a list in my head of my friends here in Washington and I think I can guess, with a fair degree of certainty, that most of them will vote for Bloomberg if he in fact chooses to run (and presuming Hillary gets the Dem nomination).

And why not? The Republicans have been awful, the Democrats pathetic. There is, by most accounts, space in there somewhere for a third party guy.

Run Bloomy run!

Is that even his nickname?

It should be.

Tryst Cafe: 1, Corporate Coffee Franchises: 0

Well done, consumers of Adams Morgan! The much-reviled Caribou Coffee chain has been driven from the neighborhood. So long, faux Northwest hippy corporate caffeine-peddler! It was a pleasure while it lasted, you mongers of crap coffee! I'll miss your extensive cash register display of Caribou-themed nicknacks-- your fridge magnets, wintergreen gum and uber-commercial world beat CD's. Now I'll have to go all the way to 16th to pay $2.99 for the foul-smelling swill you dole out.

Watch yo ass, Starbucks, you next!

Competitive Eating is Disgusting

Sorry Deadspin, ESPN, and the rest of youse, but I wish you'd stop trying to make me watch competitive eating. I don't care about Kobayashi, or Chestnut, or any of those assholes. Eating food is not a game.

Consider: